Shadow of the past..

Its been 4 weeks since I broke out of my Indian-ish nightmare. And these past weeks have awekened me from my ultimate slumber. Long gone my 'sleeping past Subuh till 10am' morning ritual. No more morning laziness. Its Subuh at 6, watch Eurosportnews/Simpsons al il bit, and I'll be off to office by 7.45. Stop by Cyberjaya to drop my wife, and by 8.30 I'll be having my breakfast at my office's pantry. It was like 'culture shock' for a while but I have to realize that Im not at a stage where I can fool around anymore. Its time to knuckle down and buckle up. Its time to become a real engineer.

It all started almost two years ago. The dream of making lots and lots of cash through a career in engineering was on full swing. But after few months, darkness started to cloud my path. As things started to unfold bit by bit, I realized that my young journey in becoming a good engineer was never a bed of roses. I made a mistake in taking everything too lightly thus affecting my judgment in certain matters that need to be taking seriously. I do hope that I could take the positives out of all those ill advised judgment though. I learned to not to believe everything that come out of anyones lips. I learned that India is a decent country full with indecent people. I learned to never put my trust into anyone fully eventhough he is my own race and practice the same religion as I am. More importantly, these tough times thaught me to be stronger and more resilient in taking much more difficult challenges coming ahead. I may not be better off much technically, but personally, I think, and I very much hope, that I am better.

As I went through the pictures of my year and a half Indian-ish experience, it saddened me to think of all the guys that I became close with. One by one, the departed, leaving me behind to fight the losing battle. It started with Sean Chong, followed by my very own boss Alan. Then my desktop buddy, Sakthia, the only person brave enuff to get drunk during office hours, flew away to some hideous company called JKR. From the moment he cleared his desk, the wholesale clearance officially started. I started to ignore all my works, although not so much works though, and started to think about finding another job. In the meantime, the legend of Babo Warriors began. We battled everyday, with each warrior trying to prove that he is the best ball buster of all. The scream of vulgars never stop till one day my team lead broke out the news that he was leaving us. I was like DAMN, if he goes whats left on us? We all think if he is still around we all still have that little glimpse called hope left. It wasnt long before suddenly we were left all alone, without any guidance. One of the great Babo Warriors surendered and went off to shoot some kangaroos instead. Then the 'ole' king went off, heading to kiss some Japanese asses. The asses must have been bad as he spent only a month there before fleeing to another company. The next few months after he vanished was a complete torture. Waking up without any purpose to live is the most crucifying catastrophy that I have ever suffered.

The emergance of the new war was a major salvation for all of us. Finally something to keep us occupied. The DOTA battle was strainous. We ignored all the bruises and scars and picked up our weapons to battle again and again. We fought for the throne, we defended our castles, we ravaged villages. We forgot all about our problems until one day 3 of the remaining warriors decided that they have had enough. They said they could not endure the pain anymore. And there were me, along with Thana, left alone to continue with the pointless losing war. Though we were sparingly joined by Dev, his presence was not much helpful as he was aided by the higher power from the land far far away. It was so unfortunate that the higher power could not lend anything for me and Thana thus leaving both of us barely breathing for air. We tried to get help from others but to no avail. Everyday, we came to office bearing in mind that we will be bombarded with swords and arrows as the attack on us intensified. We stood our ground, we fought with honor, but deep inside we knew we had to get some help. We never gonna win the war anyway and anyhow. Both me and Thana however swore with our lives that we would never succumb to defeat. We were determined not to let those pesky iron claw beat us.

The moment when Thana told me he was leaving really broke me. How could he leave me here alone? Damn.After all weve been through? I keep telling myself its for his best that he leave. He has got himself a way to win the war. However I was in total dispair. There was a time when I thaught of surendering. I was ready to throw my towel. Then, out of nowhere, a saviour emerged. It offered me weapons to nullify the enemy, and end this war once and for all. The war that cant be won suddenly became winnable. Finally I was able to wipe the smug out of that devil's face. I still remember the day when I came out of the office with a broad grin on my face. The day when I let it all go. The day when I let it all out. I was a glorified victor. The reaction on his face was priceless as I bombarded him with my saliva filled anger. As I slammed the door shut, my heart pumped heavily, sending blood of pride into every vein of my body. It felt like a heavy burden was lift off my back. I won.

Here I am now. striving again, starting from square one, wanting to become a good engineer. Its gonna be a long hard struggle, but I believe my battle hardened soul has been fully equipped to face any challenges ahead. They said to earn you must suffer. After all these? True to every syllable.

p/s: Send your prayers tp my wife who is carrying my soon to be born baby. Your prayers do help. It has been proven scientifically FYI.